27 learnings from 2023

best wishes, warmest regards, ur 27 y.o pal

1.     My purpose. Teaching. Being around youths. Storytelling. Performing. Hosting. Experiencing art. Traveling. Nature. Mothering Rosa. Learning.

The Self

2.     Age with grace. There’s something to look forward to in every decade. I encountered a few people this year who made me think, “Wow, this is how I’d like to be when I’m in my 60s and beyond.” They all share the same quality: they are forever students, they have healthy and vibrant romantic relationships with partners who are much more kind-hearted, soft, patient, they are connected to friendships and communities. They are clear-eyed about the world but remain open to it. They travel a lot.

3.     I’ve grown more fearful. For some reason, of being in travel vehicles like boats and planes—especially when they’re rocky/turbulent—and stormy weather. The latter has impacted me more than ever.

4.     I feel proud of my heritage. Not to get all nationalistic but there were moments this year when I thought, “What would’ve happened had I gone to an Indonesian University?” And genuinely considered studying history one day and/or writing a PhD about something to do with our history, folklore maybe from a gender lens.

5.     It’s okay to not know things or to oscillate when thinking about Big Things. Despite external pressures. This includes things like motherhood, marriage, etc.

6.     When feelings are ignored, they will snowball and demand to be felt. Also, don’t pile on secondary emotions when you’re feeling a challenging emotion. E.g: don’t guilt yourself when you’re feeling sad (“that’s so pathetic/stupid!”), don’t feel fearful when you need rest (“what if I’m stuck in this potato state forever?!”). As Hot Priest says:

7.     I’m prone to being a “fixer” x Tall Poppy Syndrome. This is a multi-layered brain-numbing beast. Result of growing up hyper-independent, being the eldest daughter to a traumatized mother, and eldest cousin, toxic understanding of social power, struggling to sit with others’ discomfort, and projecting my own expectations onto others. Manifests in: giving $$$, love bombing, being over-involved in the other person’s relationships, jobs, unsolicited advice, introducing them to every single thing you have in your arsenal from your favorite coffee place to hairdresser. No more of this ever. Your life is parallel to others, not intertwined. Hardest pill to swallow in 2023.

8.     To be clear is to be kind. To be unclear is to be unkind. People cannot read your silences and resentments, nor should they be expected to. Give people a chance to course-correct should they want to stick around. People aren’t disposable. Hardest pill to swallow in 2023 pt. 2.

9.     28^th birthday note: intimate (<10 people), something tactile like… plushie-making or cake decorating or flower arrangement. Potentially Lincoln Dinner Rooms?

Relationships

10.  Purposeful friendships have made this year wonderful. Whether it’s connecting with old friends, bonding with new ones, or maintaining existing friendships—countless of my favourite memories this year were with friends. Teaching with them. Performing with them. Writing with them. Fangirling with them. Eating with them. Calling with them. Experiencing art—concerts, galleries, beaches—with them. Laughing with them.

11.  Talking to strangers can lead to very philosophical and fun discoveries. Do it more!

12.  Social energy is finite. 3 socializing sessions a week is plenty. Do not plan things around big events if they are important or you will come with 40% social energy and dissociate.

13.  Couples therapy taught my partner & I about our fight styles & DAMN. We still struggle sometimes, but ever since then, our relationship’s become much calmer and happier. Listen & encourage him through his job search. No unsolicited advice!

14.  My parents have grown up so much. I only look back on my childhood with compassion and nostalgia, not an ounce of anger. Getting to know them as humans has been amazing. Call them more and ask good questions! Keep up Letterloop.

15.  People are so compassionate and forgiving. It’s you who aren’t hence why you assume this of people. Hold yourself accountable, but also, forgive yourself. Hardest pill to swallow in 2023 pt. 3.

Work

16.  How to fill my creative well: playing/exploring time with no reins, reading, experiencing stories in other forms, being confused/uncertain, having self-belief.

17.  Rejection is redirection. There wasn’t a single rejection this year, or any other year in fact, that didn’t lead me to exactly where I needed to be.

18.  For writing: your “best” is one chapter a week. 700 to 1,200 words per day. Every other day (3-4 days). For editing: 20 pages per week. Always ask for 6 weeks extra on a deadline. FR.

19.  Create for the sake of experimenting. Make a game. Do a hyperlink text. Brainstorm those new novels you’re excited for. Do art writing. Take more courses just because!

Habits

20.  Sleep + exercise + nutrition + rest + play. If any of these things are compromised, I become unwell. They are the basis of productivity and meaningful, good work. They do not need to be “earned.”

21.  Do more manifestation pages. They work.

22.  Putting too many things on high priority will lead to system failure.

23.  For the love of all things unholy, meditate.

24.  Be wary of impulse purchases or impulse “revamps.” Something in you isn’t aligning/you’re not challenged/curious. Do internal work instead. 

25.  Every time you redownload Instagram, you feel like shit. Don’t do it!

26.  Skip books that bore you. Reading should feel like a breathless rush or like sipping the best cocktail, not wanting it to finish.

27.  Go to more concerts! You love them.